Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
