it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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