We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize