I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
