She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
