Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
