i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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