Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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