This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
