D3 body, D1 cock
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
