I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
