I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize