How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
