Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
