i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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