so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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