one two three fourrrrnication!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
