I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
