so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
