You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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