Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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