So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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