i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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