I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
