I showed him my bush... on skype.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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