I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
