Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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