You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
