I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
