They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
