dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
