your room smells of hookers.
And success
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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