I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
