38 yer olds are good kisserssss
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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