How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
