as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
