Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize