So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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