last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
