If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
