so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
