my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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