Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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