Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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