It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
