He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
