It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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