if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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