you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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