my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
