I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she peed on how many people?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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