And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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