i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
