His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
