Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
