u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
