I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
