this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
