I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
