My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
