she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize