i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize