the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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