Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
