Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
