I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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