Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
