im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize