i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
