all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
