mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
