i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
