i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
